Trying To {Harry} Keep It All Inside (Mature)

[Ginny Weasley]

The cold stone of the castle wall pressed against her back as she leaned against it and wept. She wept for Cedric, for Sirius, for Dumbledore. But, most of all Ginevra Molly Weasley wept for Harry.

How could he have left her? Ginny loved him with all of her heart. She loved him so much that it actually hurt. Ginny thought that things had been going well, that Harry was close... close to telling her that he loved her. Ginny had wanted to tell him of her feelings, but she was scared that he would reject her. It turned out that he had rejected her anyway. Ginny felt another tear drip off the bridge of her nose.

Suddenly, Ginny heard footsteps coming towards her. She stood up quickly, and walked at a brisk speed in the opposite direction. She could only hope that no one was coming this way too... Suddenly, Ginny saw a door to her right. She opened it quickly, walked into the room and closed it again. That's when she realized that the door that she had just entered was the door to the Room of Requirement. Looking around, Ginny almost smiled. This was exactly what she had needed.

She walked over to the rather plush couch that had magically appeared, grabbed the Honeyduke's Best Chocolate bar from the small table on the side of the couch. Taking a bite, she let the chocolate and the tears make her feel better. But that didn't stop the overwhelming longing present in her heart to see Harry. She looked over at the table, and was surprised to see that a picture had appeared there - one that Colin Creevy had taken of her and Harry down by the lake. They were cuddled together, sharing small kisses and just being together. Ginny felt the tears come again. It just wasn't fair. She wanted the real Harry to hold her and kiss her, not look on at a picture. But the one thing that the Room of Requirement couldn't do was produce actual people.

[Harry Potter]

The day sprang open in a glorious fashion as Harry lay motionless in his bed. The emerald orbs soon became glassed with black rimed focals, and he sat up, dishelved, and greeting the world. He ran his boney fingers through his raven black hair, ruffling it more than usual, and stood from where he lay. He stretched out his arms, placing himself back within his morning routine, and he looked over his shoulder. He was the last to wake. He sighed a bit, hoping that today would be a better day than the rest. He looked out the window, seeing the students bombard the grounds, and agreed to himself that he would go join them, but a longing feeling then came over him.

He looked to the side of him and he felt his heart suddenly drop into the acid substance inside her stomach. He felt his stomach twist and turn with regret as he kicked his trunk open to find himself staring at a picture of himself and the one girl he let slip through his fingers: Ginny. His stomach roared at him, his blood cursing his body with guilt as he peered at the one girl that he had broke. Sure, she was still alive and well, but she was no longer emotionally stable, and he was completely at blame for it. He closed his trunk, walking out of the room, and running from what seemed to bother him.

As he left he noticed the looked that the others in the commons gave him, it was like they could read his mind. The school year had just begun, and it seemed like the talk of Harry's breakup was the hot topic for discussion, and Harry was now labled as if his life ambition was to break a girl's heart. He was not proud of himself, he was not happy with himself, and he was more than positive to think his parents were disappointed in him. He walked on, falling into the hallway of the infamous secret room. He paced by, thinking of a place to clear his head. Where to go... I need to get this out of my system... He entered, falling back to recognize the brilliant red hair that fell over the side of the couch in front of him. "Bloody hell..." He mumbled, feeling very much out of place. "Gi... Ginny?"

[Ginny Weasley]

Ginny sniffled, taking another large bite out of her chocolate. She wiped her eyes with her sleeve, but soon gave up. The tears wouldn't stop, and it wouldn't do any good to soak her sleeve all the way through. Ginny sighed, wondering what was wrong with her. She usually didn't cry. Actually, Ginny could only remember two times that she had ever cried. Once when Ron had stolen her favorite Harry Potter story book when she was seven, and once again when she had been in the Chamber of Secrets. Those things both related to Harry. Ginny had probably also cried when she was born, but she didn't remember it so it didn't count.

Ginny leaned back against the couch, and pulled her long, red hair out of her face. She draped it over the back of the couch, and asked the Room of Requirement for a footrest for the couch, a warm and cozy blanket, and two fluffy pillows. She put one of the pillows behind her head, stretched her legs out on the footrest, and draped the blanket over herself. She cuddled the second pillow in her arms, closing her eyes and pretending that it was Harry that she was embracing. Yes, she could almost smell his nice, clean, and soapy scent right at that moment, the daydream was so real.

She even could hear his voice, saying her name. Wait... she suddenly sat bolt-upright, the blanket still clutched around her. Her eyes were red-rimmed and puffy. "Harry?" she asked in a small voice, her arm automatically going to wipe off her tears. "What are you... what are you doing here?"

[Harry Potter]

Harry found himself actually running away for the first time in his life. It was true, though, that he never ran before, but it seemed like his problem with girls was more than terrifying. He was never good with speaking, or knowing what the best thing to do was, but this time he was actually aware of how seriously he had screwed up. He understood why she was hurt and why she was so upset with him. Hell, he wouldn't even be surprised if she never saw him again. The thing was, though, that Harry was sure that he loved her. He did not know if it was real love, or just a teenage fling, but what ever it was, he missed it. He knew what he did was wrong of him, but at the same time, he felt it was right.

The past memory of the breakup then clouded his head. His reasonings, at the time, were good, but once it was all over, he knew he had made a mistake. He did not want to lose her, and that was what he was afraid of, and yet he let her go instead. Instead of trying, he just gave up, and he regretted it every single day of his life ever since. He remembered how mad Ron became when Harry had crushed Ginny more than he ever expected to. What Ron seemed to misunderstand, though, was that it hurt Harry just as much as it did her. The regret seemed to want to make him sick, which made matters worse when he saw her there.

He watched her stand, her lovely face now covered with slick tears that he was sure were because of him. He then found himself in the most awkward conversation he had had with anyone, but he knew he had to make this right. He looked at her, unable to speak, but for some reason words still escaped his mouth. "Wandering... er- have you been crying?" He asked lamely. Of course she has, her face is wet! Bloody hell are you stupid... He shook his head for a second. "Er-" He grumbled, feeling him hate himself more than he ever did before.

[Ginny Weasley]

Ginny sniffled slightly, trying to clear her nose. It would be horribly unattractive to have snot dripping down her face. But it didn't matter anyway. Harry didn't care about her any longer, and that was that. He probably never had, and breaking up with her "for her own safety" was just his lame excuse so she wouldn't feel horrible. Well, it just made her feel worse so he didn't accomplish anything at all!

As Harry asked if she had been crying, Ginny's eyes darkened a little bit. "No, I wasn't crying, random drops of water miraculously appeared on my bloody face!" she exclaimed sarcastically. Her voice then softened a bit. "Sorry," she said, nervously taking her bottom lip in her teeth. "I shouldn't have snapped at you. It's not your fault." Ginny knew that she had to say that she didn't blame him, even though she did. If he cared about her, then he would still be with her... right?

Ginny dejectedly plopped back down on the couch, snuggling into her pillow again. "If you're here, we might as well talk," she mumbled to him, turning her head to look into his beautiful, green eyes. "Sit down." Ginny gestured towards the spot next to her on the cozy couch. She really couldn't afford to be in close proximity of him because she could jump him unexpectedly, but she would take her chances. She missed him like... like the desert missed the rain. Sighing softly, she hugged her pillow, wishing that she could take Harry into her arms.

[Harry Potter]

Harry felt more stupid for standing there blubbering nonsense into his own head than he did for being in the room. The room seemed to darken with every second of her presence. Did he blame her, not at all, but he could not say the same for himself. He tore himself up countless times for what he did to her, especially when she did not derseve any of it. That was a cold hard fact, that was. She stood there, staring at him, as he felt the need to walk away. He could not face her when she cried.

Her reaction was somewhat calmer than he expected. Sure, she basically exploded, but he imagined it much worse. He told himself that he was not good with words, and he even yelled at himself in his head before she said a word to him. He looked to the floor as she yelled, ashamed. He shifted, uncomfortably, and shook his head as she spoke. "That's where you're wrong." He said, gently. He did not want to alarm her in such a way he had before, but something had to happen. "It is my fault, and you deserve to scream at me." He said, truthfully. He was not irritated, upset, or even guilty anymore. He felt over all enjoyed, not by the conversation, but the fact that she still acknowledged him.

He nodded at her words. "Yes, we do need to talk." He said, finally, making his way over. His emerald orbs glanced over her, feeling the terrible feeling beginning to walk all over his insides again. He circled around the couch, sitting where she had instructed him to, and he rested. He felt more uncomfortable near her, because of the desire to just reach over and embrace her. He knew how badly he messed up, but he had no words left in him for apologies. He did not know what to say to her, afraid of making her cry anymore. "Please," He said, rather lightly. "Stop crying... I'm... er- sorry..." He said, confused in his words.

[Ginny Weasley]

She smiled slightly as Harry said that she had every right to yell at him. Sitting down next to him on the couch, she scooted a bit closer to fix the 2-foot gap in between them. "I'm crying because I miss you so much that it hurts me," she said, a tear running down her cheek as she said that. "I'm crying because I knew that our relationship was going somewhere. I knew that I could look at my life ten years from now, and you'd be in it."

"I don't want to yell at you," she admitted softly, gazing into his emerald-green eyes with her chocolate-brown ones. "I want to take you into my arms and hold you forever and never let you go. I want to be with you until the day that I die so I can make sure that you're always alright. I want you to be happy." Ginny felt more tears come down her face, and she let out a small sob. She just loved him so much... almost too much, some might say.

Suddenly, Ginny lifted her head up and fixed her fierce and determined gaze upon Harry. Even though she wasn't aware of it, it was the same expression that she had when she kissed him for the first time. "I don't care about Voldemort, Harry. I want to be with you. I can't live like this for any longer. I need you here with me," she said, taking one of his large hands in both of her small ones and pressing them against her heart. "Right here." Ginny scooted closer to Harry so their thighs were touching. She kept his hand against her now wildly-beating heart, and looked into his intense, green eyes. "Please."

[Harry Potter]

He listened to the words she spoke, and he felt his heart sink more into his stomach. She was right there, she was basically giving him another chance, but he knew staying away from her was for the better, but he couldn't contain himself. He reached up, lightly brushing away a tear, and he found himself wound up in the same position as many years ago, but this time, it was for real. He sighed a bit. "Gin, you know I care about you," He said lightly. "But I am worried about what is to follow me. If you got torn into that, I don't know what I'd do."

He blinked. She didn't want to yell? After all the pain and suffering he caused her, she was fine with it? She was not angry with him? He did not understand women. That was quite obvious. Her words made him feel more comfortable, but for the sake of her life, he had to keep his ground. "I will be alright as long as you are." He said. "And the only way I can be happy is to assure your safety before my own. I can not live without you, and I would not be able to live knowing if you were ever taken by him. I want to know that you are save, Gin, and being with me will make it worse." He said, truthfully, but moving close to her. "You know that."

Harry's heart felt the need to no longer beat in the seconds she spoke. She did not care what happened? But he cared... that was all he ever worried about. He could not let this go any further out of hand, and he could not gallyvander with her as he was desired to be dead. He did love her, oh, did he love her, and he could not bare to walk away after the words she spoke. He tilted his head down, moving his lips to her ear as he whispered: "I am here." He whispered. He sat back up straight, staring her lovingly into her eyes as he held her hands. He went to move closer to her, as the lion in his chest roared, but when he got close he shook his head. "I can't." He stood from his spot. "I am sorry, Ginny." He said, lightly. "So sorry, but... I can't."

[Ginny Weasley]

Ginny sighed softly, brushing aside a stray hair that had made its way into her eyesight. "Harry, I'm already pulled into it. I'm a Weasley, remember? I'm a marked woman," she said as a feeble attempt at humor. "Look, Harry... Voldemort already will know. He'll know about us from Malfoy and Snape and whoever else. When you... when you broke up with me, it didn't change anything. He'll still know that you care for me, right? Because he can probably see flashes into your emotions just like you can with his."

Ginny frowned, crossing her arms across her chest. "I don't care. I'll be with you no matter what happens. I'd die for you, Harry. Being with you is the most important thing in the world for me. But, the thing is, even though I'd die for you, what I really want to do is live for you. And I need you here with me to live."

Ginny gasped slightly as he leaned in and his hot breath hit her skin. Oh, how she wanted to kiss him. She wanted to be with him again so much... "I want you to always be here, Harry," she whispered to him, her face a couple of inches away from his. "Forever."

As Harry pulled away and stood up, Ginny felt her eyes fill with more tears. "We'll keep it a secret," she blurted out. "No one has to know. Not even Ron and Hermione. I swear. I'll pretend that I hate you. I'll say bad things about you. Just as long as I can sneak away at the end of the day and be with you!" Ginny stood up also, placing her hands on his shoulders.

"Without you, life will go on. But I'm gone without you, Harry. I'll live, but I'll be an empty shell. A shadow of the person that you care about so deeply." Ginny reached up and took Harry's face in her hands. She couldn't put it off any longer. "Harry, I love you," she said, before leaning in and pressing her lips softly to his. She wouldn't let him get away again. Not this time.

[Harry Potter]

Harry knew where she was coming from at that point. She had a good point, but he still would not let her fight with him. "The fact that you are pureblood will hold you off." He said shrilly. "That's the only reason that no one has been attacked in your family yet, well, except for your father." He said, remembering the grim topic. He shook his head at her. "No, he's too weak to see into me. The only way I can keep you save is to stay away, can't you see?" He asked, he was definitely hating himself more than usual now. "If I act as if I resent you, then they won't bother with you, which is exactly how I plan it..." He said, but in his mind he knew that he would never be able to stay away from her long enough, he would find some way to run into her.

"You should care," he said abruptly. "I wouldn't allow you to die for me, I am not worth it Ginny." He said, even though he was sure it wouldn't make matters any better. "You deserve to live your life, be happy, and though it may feel like it now... in ten years from now, you'll forget about me." He said.

He shook his head. "I might not be here forever." He said. "You know what my future has in stone for me, and I do not want you apart of it." He said shortly. "I can't say anymore to you, Ginny... I just know that this is the only solution I have left in me to give. It tears me apart as much as it does you, but I know that everything will be alright in the end, but I want that feeling to be more than one hundred percent sure."

Harry's mouth opened aghast. "I... you..." He set his hand to his forehead, the situation crawling into his head. His head reeled, wanting it to work out as she said. Would keeping it secret do anything? Would it work long enough to assure her safety, especially because he would know where she always was. He smiled a bit, walking forward and taking her into his arms. "Alright..." He said lightly.

He smiled a bit, finally understanding that his solution was more than ridiculous. "I can't let that happen," he said, slipping his hands down her back and to her waist. "I can let your beautiful self leave you, and I don't intend on staying away for you any longer. I don't think I could handle it." He said. He kissed her back, his heart exploding with relaxation as he pulled her closer to him. "I..." he kissed her again. "Love... you... too." He said between kisses. His grip had tightened, not wanting to let her slip through his fingers again.

[Ginny Weasley]

Ginny shook her head as he said that she only hadn't been attacked because she was pureblood. "We're just as bad as Muggleborns to them, Harry. They don't care. We're blood-traitors."

"But I would die for you," she said, looking into his eyes. "That's how much I care for you. You're wrong about that. I'll never forget about you. Until the day that I die, and even beyond that! There will never be anyone else out there for me! You're my life. I can't be happy or live life to its fullest without you beside me."

Ginny expected Harry to protest as she suggested keeping their relationship a secret, but her eyes widened as he agreed. "Alright?" she asked, astounded. "Just like that? I thought that it would be a lot more difficult to get you to agree." Ginny smiled suddenly, finally realizing that she had Harry back where she wanted him. His arms wrapped around her, and she sighed in bliss.

Ginny smiled again, looking adoringly up at Harry with her big, brown eyes. Tears were still slipping out of them, but this time it was from happiness. She was having an emotional overload. "Now there's the silver lining that I was looking for," she whispered, before her lips met his. Fireworks went off behind her eyelids, just like in a Muggle movie. As Harry said that he loved her too, she felt her heart almost jump into her throat and then beat wildly. Ginny kissed him back tenderly, moving one hand to rest on his cheek and one to fist in his silky, black hair. Walking backwards and pulling Harry with her, she fell back on the couch.

[Harry Potter]

He shook his head, cupping her face within his hands. "Do not say such nonsense." He said suddenly. He did not enjoy it when she dissed herself with such words. "You're a wonderful person," he said lightly. "They are the ones who are the betrayers." He said.

He looked to the floor. "I don't see how you could put yourself through so much for someone like me." He said lightly. "I'm not sure if you have over looked the situation, or your head is in the clouds, but I know that you deeply mean that you will not die for me, but instead you will help me live." He said. He pulled his face up, locking his emerald orbs into the chocolates ones that she inhabited. "I want you beside me at all times, and when it comes down to the battle... I want you to stay behind. Alright?" He asked. He knew the war would eventually come to his death, but he did not tell her that.

He smiled a bit. "Oh, I didn't agree." He said shortly. Sure- the thought of the plan was in his mind, but he knew after quite some time, they would eventually find their seperate ways within this boundry. He knew that the sitution seemed less than possible, but why not give it a shot? "I said alright so you would stop yourself from saying something you regretted." He said, more lightly than usual. He sighed as he held her in his arms. "We both know something big is going to happen soon. I sense it, we all sense it, but most of all-- we are all part of it. No matter what the outcome is, we have to make it worth while."

He smiled at her. "I am through hiding from the world, and I am done hiding from you." He said. He pulled her as close to him as possible, his mind saying one thing, as his heart said another. He was an emotional wreck, but he couldn't let her go. Not again. He smiled. "You have made me realize that all my life I have feared him, but I survived once... I can survive again." He said. "If he takes you, I will not rest until you are found, and if something happens to you... it will happen to me." He said, kissing her so passionately he was taken aback himself. His thirst for her love was suddenly becoming thick with excitement. He fell forward on the couch with her, his hands still at his waist, as he burried his nose into her neck and place a small kiss. "You are my everything," he whispered.

[Ginny Weasley]

"I know," she said, shrugging slightly. "I just said that they think that we're blood traitors. That's their view on the world." Ginny rested her head below his chest, inhaling his scent. He smelled wonderful, even better than she remembered.

As Harry said that she would stay behind when it came time for the battle, Ginny's eyes flashed. "No way in hell am I letting you go out there without me, Potter," she growled. "People that love each other stay together through hell and high water. I love you. I'm staying by your side." Ginny crossed her arms across her chest, and stuck her bottom lip out slightly. No matter how much she loved Harry, she would not let him control what she did when it came to the war.

Ginny looked at him when he said that he didn't agree with her plan. "I don't care whether it's in secret or in public, in Hogwarts or in bloody Grimauld Place. I'll be with you. And there's nothing you can do to stop me. If you try to leave me again, I'll follow you. And won't it be even more dangerous for me that way, all alone and unprotected rather than with you there to watch out for me?"

As Harry said that he would survive through the war, Ginny pressed herself as close as humanly possible to him as they embraced. "Please Harry," she said softly. "Live for me. Live so we can have a life together. Be safe." Ginny sighed happily as he kissed her passionately, feeling her tears stop. She was so happy right now. "You are my world, Harry," she said in response to him. She moaned softly as he nuzzled her neck and kissed it. "Don't stop," she said in a small, breathy voice.

[Harry Potter]

He nodded, sorry for misunderstanding her. "I know, and it's wrong." He said lightly. "I just don't want to hear yourself say it... it makes me feel aweful." He said lightly. "And I never want to hear you say that you believe them." He said, knowing that if she did then it would rip him apart. He was too amazing to be treated in such a way.

He couldn't believe the outburst she had made, but then again he didn't blame her. He would have done the same thing, but some how he had to convince her to stay behind. He growled back at her, but not even meaning to. "People in love also make foolish mistakes." He said abruptly. He irritatedly stared at her. "I understand where you are coming from, but I can not let you do it." He said. "I know your strengths, but I don't know how save you will be and I want you to be one hundred percent save." He said. "You have a choice, but I beg that you stay behind."

He finally realized there was no plan, and the plan that was forming in his mind was more than silly. He smiled a bit. "I don't care either," he said lightly. He laughed a bit as she stated that she would follow him. "If I walk off again I give you bloody permission to knock me upside the head with that ruddy broomstick of yours." He said, smiling. "Er- I mean, wonderful broom..." He said, completely lying. Finally he nodded, she had caught him. "Yes, but it will also be distracting, but... it would be better."

He did not want to tell her that he knew he was going to die. He did not want to tell her that he believed his life was quickly coming to the end, and he was leaving her behind. He did not like the thought of leaving her alone, but he didn't believe that he had any other choice. He smiled lightly. "I will live for you until the world stops turning." He said lightly. "And you are more than my world, Gin." He said, following her directions to keep going. He placed a few more light kisses as his hands worked up her sides. He froze for a minute. "You're brother will kill me." He said suddenly, not wanting to see Ron's face, but he laughed it off.

[Ginny Weasley]

"I don't believe them," she said, lightly kissing his jaw. "We're doing what is right. We're trying to make the world a better place. They're destroying it and ripping it to shreds."

Ginny looked up at him, her eyes wide. "That's what it's all about though," she said, looking at him with love. "Taking whatever risks are necessary. I will stand by your side, Harry. I will fight beside you. If something happened to you and I knew that I could have prevented it... that would kill me Harry." Ginny cuddled into him on the couch, pressing her lips against his chest. "I think that I've been saying it too much in the past few minutes, but I don't care. I never want to stop. I love you, Harry. And I'll tell you every day from now on so you never doubt how much."

Ginny rose an eyebrow at him as she interpreted what he had said. "You do realize that you just gave me full permission to use my infamous Bat-Bogey hex, don't you?" she asked, her eyes twinkling in the light. Ginny wouldn't really use the Bat-Bogey on him, but she would follow him no matter where he went. She had a feeling that he'd rather get the Bat-Bogey.

"Yes, it will be better because we'll be together. I can only hope that you want to be with me as much as I want to be with you. Sometimes it's difficult for me because I know that you can't possibly love me as much as I love you. It's impossible." Ginny kissed him lightly, cutting off any protests that he might make. Because she knew he would make them. But what Ginny had said was entirely true. She was sure that she loved Harry a million times more than he loved her. After all, she had loved him for longer.

Ginny smiled softly, her eyes looking lovingly at him. "If you live for me, then I will live for you. If you die, then I will die. It's that simple," she said, leaning her head against his chest and listening to his heartbeat. "Everyone has a reason why they're fighting, Harry. Some for family, some for friends, some for the greater good. You're the reason why I'm fighting, Harry. I want to get through this so we can be together. If you'll still have me."

Ginny moaned softly again as Harry kissed her neck and started to explore her body with his hands. "We just won't tell him then," she said, pressing her lips to his to quiet him. She didn't care about Ron. Ron was busy enough with Hermione anyway. She didn't want to even think about Ron. She wanted to fill her thoughts of Harry, only Harry.